Finger pants! Finger pants!


Skateboarding begat fingerboards. Fingerboards begat tiny plastic ramps. Tiny plastic ramps begat… FINGER PANTS!!!!!!! Actually, these Finger Pants aren’t exactly new. Back in the 80’s there was a fingerboard sold that came with a glove that you wore. The glove had the upper torso of what looked by a Ken doll attached to it. Two of the fingers were cut off and were decorated like little Hawaiian shorts. It also came with a pair of tiny plastic shoes and socks molded in one piece. It’s something I have in a box somewhere, but that’s never here, nor there. These came from Wall Mart. There’s a URL listed on the package, but the domain appears to have expired. It’s such a great product, they had to name it twice. Finger Pants, and Shred Threads! Look at the illustration. If these pants fit to scale, the top of your junk would be visible. Awesome.

Four pairs of Old Navy cargo shorts on sale now for one low price!


What’s that guy hiding in his shred threads? Whatever it is, it looks obscene.


I left these out and my four year old son saw them while I was at work. My told him he had to wait until I go home to ask if he could open them, but the temptation was too much. He snuck them into his room and opened them under the covers in his bed.





  1. “…while I was at work.”
    Hey, congrats on becoming employed??

  2. If they made these now they would come in a sister pants option.

  3. Livmo… I took a stopgap job to pay some bills, I am one of the statistics on CNN falling into the UNDERemployed category. But thanks for noticing.

  4. freakbeat – they do make these now, or at least very recently.

  5. Oops, didn’t see the copyright date. I’ll be up in your neck of the woods with some of the Small Beating guys from 9/3 to 9/7. Hopefully we’ll cross paths.

  6. skaterhusseindave on August 5, 2009 - Reply

    I’ve got the glove/doll thing in a box somewhere too. It was from a series called Real Men and I remember a soccer player and maybe a football guy too. I bought it because of the name. I couldn’t believe anyone in the mainstream was finally accepting adult skateboarding…

  7. miguel on August 6, 2009 - Reply

    So,how how does one go about getting one of those “job” things you mentioned?

  8. If you have trouble getting a job then you can just sue your college like this bitch…

  9. miguel on August 6, 2009 - Reply

    Theres an idea. I think I’ll sue all those community colleges I dropped out off because I was skipping class to go skateboarding. Skating The mini ramp was much more fun than going to my boring sociology or “alge-uh-ber”(thats how the teacher said it) class.
    Someone should sue the makers of those finger board pants though. I not sure on what grounds though, extreme bad taste or crimes against nature? Anyway what an odd concept.

  10. I am sure I found on the web little articulated figures to go with fingerboards, but try as I might I haven’t been able to find them again. Anyone got any ideas where I can find them?

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