Sure they are crappy, but they are so bad that they’re… still bad. Even more so now that they’ve seen an updated, craptacular re-imagining of the graphic. As if there there is a pent up, unrealized nostalgia for the worst boards any given skater has ever owned at any point in their skateboarding life. Blind’s Danny Way Nuke Baby was a brilliant, but these are just as bad, if not worse than the original, especially the most famous of all bad 80’s Nash boards, the Executioner. They did have some cool graphics in the 60’s. It’s ironic that they haven’t tried to cash in on those graphics, even more so because they apparently own the Hobie name. Way to massively miss any sort of reissue connection. Oh well, all the better for someone else. I can’t recall if there was ever a Nash “Blaster” model, but I included it anyway because it’s a confusing mix of 70’s imagery on an 80’s shape that came out some time in the… dammit! What the hell are we calling this decade? The tens? Crap. Nash makes skateboards again. I guess they finally recovered from the fire.

Here’s a beautiful turd of a skateboard that Valterra put out in 1987. It’s an Alf board, and it’s kick ass. Alf is in full Hawaiian shorts and neon Ray Bans mode. This model was auctioned on eBay a while ago, I don’t know what it went for but I remember being tempted. Another craptacular thing about this board is the fact that the graphics are on top and the bottom is completely bare. This one has GT wheels on it, which is really confusing to men because I thought GT was a 70’s era brand, so these wheels should have loose bearings. I suppose it’s possible someone could have put old wheels on a new board if the axle size didn’t change. Can you believe ALF was actually still on the air in 1990? I wonder why Valterra never put out a Back to the Future deck. – Thanks to Buck C for the tip.

Never saw this Nash board back in the day. Mazed and Confused. HILARIOUS! They must have had some clever bastards in the art department. Carl Warren captured this one in the wild at Gabriel Park.

It’s conceivable that these trucks might work well enough for a beginner. The technology dates back to the 50’s here, and believe it or not, I think there are some dirtboard, excuse me, mountainboarding trucks out there right now that are based on the same design. Still, call me cynical, but have to believe the decision to used these wacky trucks was based purely on profit motive. Maybe at the time these were a dollar cheaper than a traditional truck. May not sound like much, but multiply by thousands and then some in projected sales… On the one hand, the X-Games provide a way for an immediate group of skateboarder to make a living off of skateboarding, and a larger group through association. On the other hand, they peddle crap like this, or at least they used to. I don’t think they make this anymore. – Thanks to Matthijs van Wijk for the tip.

Newsflash. We won’t tell you how much your board is worth if you want to sell it on eBay, so don’t ask. Also, don’t send me a link to your auction or unless it’s freakin amazing, or weird, something like Stacy Peralta’s scalp from the 70’s or the bronzed fire hydrant that Nataas sessioned on in Streets on Fire. That being said, here’s a new one. I’ve never been asked to facilitate a trade, but I was looking for an excuse to post this Variflex advert I found in a circular for a local discount sporting goods chain. I’m going to beat this dead horse. Variflex used to be a legitimate skateboard company as late as the early, early 80’s, and well before this. And now they make trampolines. Right. Tom Livemore has some old Variflex connections trucks in pretty good condition, and he’s looking to trade for a decent set of OJ superjuices (I have some, but you can’t have them.) or a set of multi colored Panther wheels. Whaaaa?????

I couldn’t find anything on the Interwebs about what I thought was the product name. And then I realized “Free Wheelie” was a pun on the killer whale motif. Pretty slow on the uptake, huh Kil,wag? Straight from eBay Poland. Turns out these things are called Rat Tailz. A company named Sport Fun made skateboards as far back as 1978, although there’s no way to tell if the they are the same entity. – Thanks to M1CK3Y for the tip.

Weird/old/crappy/cool skateboard of the month this time is courtesy of Andy Cvar, who bought it off German eBay a while back. It may not seem like much up front, but hit the jump to see why this board made me snort my Miesterbrau out of my nose with involuntary laughter. If you’re not a P.E. fan and don’t get the title reference, here’s the bonus clue: He’s the principal on Strangers With Candy.

Kevin Decker aka KVON sent in some nice photographs of an estate sale score he picked up over the weekend, a 60’s era Nash skateboard/scooter. The logo says “Nash Surfboards.” I believe they sold the exact same thing without the handle. Looks like it’s in fine shape. This is one scooter I’d be proud to display.

Design your own toy skateboard from 1982. Ugh. I guess if you aren’t going to spring for a real skateboard you might as well let your kid put his own crappy design on it instead having some corporate toy or movie tie in. Who is this mysterious ZR? I don’t know, but he must be fast!