Happy New Year from Skate and Annoy! Thanks to all our contributors, readers and tipsters. We’re working on improvements and additions to the site for a better S&A in 2014. Good health, good fortune and a Dog Cheeze for everyone in 2014! Now go out and skate!

In this edition we have some Malone skateboards. Malone was a brand that produced crappy skateboards in the 80s, but I really don’t know much about it, besides the fact that they were pretty crappy and my brother had one.  I was riding a Rusher Sports  ‘California Pro’ (even worse than a Pro 90) at that time and my brother bought a ‘Malone’ from this sports store. I have never seen these decks back untill now on eBay. Funny thing, I remember my brother ( he was 10 or 11 at that time) described his boards as ‘semi-pro’, haha, but I guess he had a point there, since they were actually better than the ‘Turbo 2’ ones. More models after the jump.

While wasting time on Alibaba.com, I saw a lot of bootlegs. Especially the more recent Tony Hawk designs from Birdhouse seem popular to rip off. If you order a minimum of 100 decks, you’ll get them for a few dollars a piece. Yes, I definitely took most of these pics from the sellers, but what will they say? That I stole from them? Also, take a quick tour in their factory here.

Dominion was a Canadian company that made completes during the 80’s. (Update: Wrong. Dominon was a roller skate company that branched out into skateboards in the 60’s) This one from ’88 says ‘rood dood’, wich should probably be pronounced as ‘rude dude’. To me it’s confusing, because ‘rood dood’ means ‘red death’ in Dutch (ain’t that so, Matthijs?). But the interesting thing here is that this board seems  a diss on vert skaters at a time when vert skating was reaching its end. The wall on this graphic is full of references to skateboarding and names of vert pros.  Take a closer look after the jump. The deck was for sale on eBay.

Rip Skates was a (crappy) budget brand from Surrey Skateboards, a skateshop in the UK that exists since 1977. The shop in Surrey closed down, but you can still visit them online and buy their new stuff or check out the cool pictures of the good old days. The graphic on this deck looks great, the ‘monster clown’  killing the vert skater and destroying his ramp reminds me of some of the old Deathbox designs. Was it a reference to the death of vert in the late 80’s? Anyway, it was very unlikely that you would have become a good street skater with this complete! For sale on Gumtree for £5.

As seen at a local Kmart while hunting for (kiddie) pools. $15 will get you a t-shirt and a crappy skateboard that is too small for any kid that would actually fit into that t-shirt. The skateboard is literally attached to the hanger. U-S-A! U-S-A!

This time around we have something known as a “Protuff” skateboard, and apparently this is #5. I’ve never seen the Protuff brand, so I would have assumed it was some sort of European equivalent to Nash or Variflex, but this auction came out of Florida. As is sometimes the case with these toy store boards, there’s more than meets the eye here. The Grim Reaper comes complete with some of the oddest looking plastic trucks copers you’ve likely ever seen.

Sure they are crappy, but they are so bad that they’re… still bad. Even more so now that they’ve seen an updated, craptacular re-imagining of the graphic. As if there there is a pent up, unrealized nostalgia for the worst boards any given skater has ever owned at any point in their skateboarding life. Blind’s Danny Way Nuke Baby was a brilliant, but these are just as bad, if not worse than the original, especially the most famous of all bad 80’s Nash boards, the Executioner. They did have some cool graphics in the 60’s. It’s ironic that they haven’t tried to cash in on those graphics, even more so because they apparently own the Hobie name. Way to massively miss any sort of reissue connection. Oh well, all the better for someone else. I can’t recall if there was ever a Nash “Blaster” model, but I included it anyway because it’s a confusing mix of 70’s imagery on an 80’s shape that came out some time in the… dammit! What the hell are we calling this decade? The tens? Crap. Nash makes skateboards again. I guess they finally recovered from the fire.

Here’s a beautiful turd of a skateboard that Valterra put out in 1987. It’s an Alf board, and it’s kick ass. Alf is in full Hawaiian shorts and neon Ray Bans mode. This model was auctioned on eBay a while ago, I don’t know what it went for but I remember being tempted. Another craptacular thing about this board is the fact that the graphics are on top and the bottom is completely bare. This one has GT wheels on it, which is really confusing to men because I thought GT was a 70’s era brand, so these wheels should have loose bearings. I suppose it’s possible someone could have put old wheels on a new board if the axle size didn’t change. Can you believe ALF was actually still on the air in 1990? I wonder why Valterra never put out a Back to the Future deck. – Thanks to Buck C for the tip.

Never saw this Nash board back in the day. Mazed and Confused. HILARIOUS! They must have had some clever bastards in the art department. Carl Warren captured this one in the wild at Gabriel Park.