I get bombarded with press releases about the Dew Tour that I usually ignore. Thanks to Edison Carter of the now defunct (?) Flakezine for wrapping this up succinctly. Now if I could just get more people to do all my writing I’d be set.

In the Mike Judge film Idiocracy an army librarian is accidently frozen for 500 years. When he finally makes it out of his pod he is in America in the year 2505. Everything has devolved. Stupid people have reproduced, while smart people haven’t. Everything is jacked up and dumbed down. People wear clothing covered in corporate logos, and mention their sponsors in everyday conversation like they’re on the podium at a Supercross race.

While watching this film and cruising the web I noticed that Ryan Sheckler had just won the first stop of AST Dew Tour, the Panasonic Open. And look at that logo’d out shirt. It’s exactly like the one retarded lawyer Frito wears in Idiocracy. Skateboarding: living in an idiotic action future now.

So this post contains a YouTube video made from television broadcasts showing YouTube videos. Now if we could just get a video of this post broadcast on TV and re-recorded and posted on YouTube… The first bit is an Apple iPhone commercial and the second is Steven Colbert on The Colbert Report, both showcasing the skateboarding bulldog. Watch the vid after the jump.

Follow-up to the skateboarding chimp pictures the other day. MVP2 – Most Vertical Primate is the heartwarming story of a professional hockey player unjustly accused of biting an opposing team member and on the run befriending a homeless skateboarder kid and helping him to find a home, success as a skateboarder and… a sponsor! And the professional hockey player, is a clothes-wearing chimpanzee.

More viral advertising featuring skateboarding. This one in a commercial from Nokia, masquerading as a company called Great Pockets. The joke being that you could buy custom tailored clothing with huge pockets to carry all your electronic gear, or of course you could just ditch all that gear for the Nokia N95 phone. Watch this kid try to skateboard while leaving a trail of battered consumer electronics after the jump.

Your kids can overcome their allergy problems using Children’s Claritin, without making them jittery or drowsy. Must not be any good for making meth either. As always, if you can identify the rider or the skatepark, please leave it in the comments. Watch the commercial after the jump.

The July 1st issue of Bicycle Retailer and Industry News reports that Tony Hawk has inked a deal for a signature bike line with a company called Dynacraft. Tony Hawk will be joining Dynacraft’s illustrious lineup of brands that include Hot Wheels and Barbie. You can buy these performance machines at such fine cycling outfitters as Amazon.com and Target. What’s that? concerned about the quality? Not to worry, according to Bicycle Retailer and Industry News

Tony Hawk bikes will be completely different than anything Dynacraft has distributed in the past,” said John Bisges, managing director at Dynacraft. “They will have higher end components, updated frames and the most cutting edge graphics ever. We are all extremely excited about this new bike line, and are certain it will be a big hit when we showcase it to customers at this year’s Interbike show.” The line will be available in retail stores beginning in spring 2008.

I’m placing bets that Tony Hawk bicycles will likely be a BMX facsimile. Maybe we can expect a Matt Hoffman to start hawking toy skateboards in retaliation. Get a closeup of some previous Dynacraft “cutting edge graphics” after the jump. Update: Not just one bike line, but two! “Huckjam” gets it’s own series of bicycles.

Why do they always stand like that?

This Ultra Cool costume comes with 3/4 mask, studded choker, shirt, shorts and studded gloves! (Skateboard not included!)

$25 from Amazon. Apparently, Zombies also have that problem with the boxers riding up.

– Thanks to Kathleen for the tip

Update: From Kilwag – I had to make an addition to Mark’s post. Usually I’m hands off but in this case, for the sake of continuity and timeline, I’ve added a cartoon titled How Electric Skateboards Really Work after the jump.

Skateboarding dogs, monkeys and pigs are for the birds. Haw haw! His name is Tony Parakeet. Get it? Get it? Yuck yuck. This small bird does little more than perch on a fingerboard while the owner, dare I say trainer moves the board into position to roll down inclines or rail slide (extreme cave-man style) down a railing. they even set up a few ramps and ledges so the bird naturally maneuvers into a tail slide through sheer gravity. Low impact fun. Hey vid-heads, is this a section from a larger video? Watch it after the jump on embedded LiveVideo. Speaking of embedded video, does anyone else find the new YouTube interface intrusive and annoying? Seems like it kooks up web browser performance too.

As seen in the May 2007 issue of People Magazine, this advert for the Chevy Cobalt features street skating prominently. Some publicist or team rider over at Powell ought to be getting a fat check for this product placement. Usually company logos are not so readily identifiable. As for the Devil Dogs lyrics to Brand New Chevy… Devil Dogs? Never heard of them, but according to Last.Fm “People who like The Devil Dogs also like New Bomb Turks, Radio Birdman, Supersuckers…” Really? OK, Sounds good, but going against their credibility is the fact that they released the song in 1989, which would not have been an especially noteworthy year in the annals of American car design. Is anyone in this day and age excited by new Chevrolets, Corvettes even? I doubt the Devil Dogs would find the Cobalt that inspiring, but I’m sure the publishing rights inspired their bank accounts. Enlarge the advert after the jump.