Apparently even fingerboard manufacturers are over their phobia of shaped decks. Witness these two weirdly shaped fingerboards that appear to be made out of some very cheap metal. Skull Skates Mutant? The only thing I can think of is that they had thousands of oddly shaped scraps left over from manufacturing some other crappy product and couldn’t be bothered to melt it all down again. The auction says plastic, but insure looks like metal, and not plastic chrome.

What started as a post about overpriced 80’s skateboard dolls (Action Skateboard Teen – $50!) got weird during research when I found a video about girls (who can actually skate) who want you to know that’s it’s OK to wear high heels to the skatepark as long as you bring skate shoes to change into, and don’t be a hater or a perv, or something like that. It’s not really any different than an episode of GVK, albeit not as revolting to look at but twice as revolting to listen to.

This week in pairings of creepy toy dolls with entirely unrelated fingerboards: Two big-eyed dolls with Star Wars fingerboards from McDonalds Happy Meals. It’s a confusing listing, but the Tonner and Kish dolls are just being used for display purposes to show off the toy skateboards.

It’s basically a desk toy, the new millennial equivalent of a Newton Cradle. I saw Neolev hover boards a couple years ago during their first Kickstarter campaign, but I skipped the posting about them because at the time the board part of the toy was just a rectangle that didn’t look anything like a skateboard. Neolev has a new Back to the Future licensing agreement and another Kickstarter. Now your desk toy can look like Marty McFly’s hoverboard, or any one of hoverboards used by Biff’s gang. The boards look cool, and the hovering works, but you’ll need a track to make it work, just like the Lexus version of an actual ridable hoverboard. (Liquid nitrogen is optional.) Neolev’s expensive toys are cool, but the novelty is going to wear out quickly. Back and forth. Back and forth. I’m surprised Tech-Deck hasn’t just licensed the designs as fingerboards.

Jeffrey Ballard sent me an email with these pictures of some skate toys he retrieved while visiting his parents house last Christmas. He distinctly remembers getting them when was in 5th grade, which makes him… old, but not as old as me. The guy on top is still being produced in a couple forms. I’ve seen that form in a couple of sizes attached to parachutes. There’s a handstand guy too. On the bottom right there’s the first generation of commercial fingerboards every 80’s skater remembers. Clear plastic enclosing an offset printed board graphic. Super brittle and non functional, but sort of cool at the time. I remember thinking they could have done a better job the first time I saw one of these, but they were just toys. Tech Decks with $75 truck replacements were decades away. I think they made this type of fingerboards well into the new millennium, so maybe Jeffrey isn’t as old as I think. Then again that is a Dan Wilkes graphic on a Tracker board…

Editor’s Note: I found this post draft from 2012… I wonder what I was waiting for. She may not be an actual sporting girl, in the Deadwood era meaning of the term, but Skipper is still an expensive date. $139 on eBay, which is ridiculous, but this old Barbie spinoff toy regularly goes for that kind of money. This doll’s name is Fluff actually, she’s Skipper’s playmate. “Fluff is a sporting girl” was just a bit much. Besides, she’s already been covered.

Thunder Cop joins us as number three in the Non-Fall Action series of craptacular skateboard toys. Part terminator, part CHiPs, all priceless. Well, not priceless actually, this battery powered skateboard toy from 1989 could have been yours for under $20 delivered. The figure is actually anatomically correct this time, so the real joy comes from the packaging from Feng DYI Enterprise Corp, which is still in business. The best part, the policeman pointing a gun at your face is riding a skateboard with a smiley face on it. Have a nice day!

From the same company that brought you Super Bat Justice Man, comes Ninja Frog on a skateboard. You might notice a similarity to certain Mutant Ninja Turtles. I don’t usually have this sort of encyclopedic knowledge at my fingertips, but the phrase “Non-fall Action” was oddly familiar, so looking it up wasn’t hard. The frog on the left is actually riding a skateboard, although it’s hard to make out. Those are turtles riding skateboards on the right, which is an actual graphic on one of a few different TMNT skateboards. it looks like one of them has a Hosoi knockoff!

Today (March 3rd) is International Pancake Day, so that means free pancakes at IHOP, hopefully you’ll leave a donation for a charity, which is the whole point. What you’re looking at is Chocolate Chip Charlie, a pull back toy given away by IHOP in 1996. You can still get one for $5 delivered.

This Porkchop, one of the characters from the Nickelodeon show Doug, AKA Doug Funny. This figure is from a 1994 Hardees promotion that featured other Nickelodeon characters on wheels, titled Cruisin’ Back to School Nicktoon Cruisers. Unfortunately, Porkchop is the only one riding a skateboard. The rest of the characters are on other assorted vehicles that look like amusement park or grocery store rides. For instance, Ren and Stimpy appear to be riding bombs, and Doug funny is riding a distinctly different looking rocket. Porkchop’s Walkman seems a little out of date already. Shouldn’t he be using a Discman by now?