Tyson the Skateboarding Bulldog and the Puehse Twins. Yes, both are amazing and talented, and over exposed on the web. If you’re not sick of them yet, you will be when you’re done reading this… Oh, did I forget? Bam Margera!

News flash! Skateboarding: A Popular Sport for Today’s Teens! Jessica Mousseau wrote this article. You can view her tiny, saucy picture here, or see Einstein writing your words on a chalkboard here.

If you don’t take control of your culture, those who only care about the gold and platinum will.

That’s the message of this video series called Instant Def, which is a Snickers viral marketing web site. The story line focuses on hip hop being taken over by money-hungry industry types. Ironically, they cast the Black Eyed Peas, a group that will whore itself out to anything from TV commercials to supermarket grand openings. The production design is sharp, but the story, music and most of the performances are weak. On the plus side, Bootsy Collins shows up in episode 2 and again in episode 5. Speaking of taking control of your culture, they use a dog on a flying skateboard and a couple evil midgets little persons, one of them on a skateboard too. Ahh, the delicious irony. Delicious? I love Snickers, but they sure wasted a bunch of money for something lame. I’m not sure about their connection with the hip hop community, but I’m sure the Peas massive street cred will help. Skip ahead to the finale, which has the skateboard action and is also the most entertaining. More screen caps after the jump. [Source: Media Mindfulness]

The last time I had to swing a skateboard in self-defense, it wasn’t against a rapist, murderer, pedophile and escaped convict like Theodore “T-Bag” Bagwell. It was against a group of asshole jocks that jumped me and a friend once while skating down a street. It was 6 on 2, and they ended up letting us be. I was in high school at the time. This young man looks like he’s junior high age at best. He clocks T-Bag pretty hard in the side of the head, but T-Bag is like pit bull, he just keeps coming. You have to kill him to stop him. Seriously, he’s not that big, and he’s had his hand cut off, sewn back on by a vet with no anesthesia, and then had to pull it off by hand again, all in the space of a couple of weeks. He should be dead or dying from gangrene by now. I don’t know, maybe my judgement is clouded since I should have better things to do than digitizing a 5 second clips of a guy getting hit on the head with a skateboard on the TV show Prison Break. Watch the video and and follow an assortment of skateboard assault links including another pedophile, a Jesus abduction and fat Canadians in the news after the jump.

You knew it was out there. I didn’t even have to look very hard. Well now I know why those weird ledges are there. To prop up your ass while watching your friends just take that manual pad apart!

Now let me take a moment to reminisce about the old girl.

I was at a gymnastics meet with my kids near the ramp one weekend. Those gymnastics meets can last four hours and you are usually spectating from crappy surplus folding chairs or some sadistic bleachers that some dad in the booster club cobbled together by adapting plans for tiered feed sack shelving. Your kid actually performs for maybe three and a half minutes total. I have two kids doing gymnastics at different levels sometimes we are there for two sessions. Naturally I ducked out for a quick few runs on the handy vert ramp. Watch the video and read more after the jump.

California Community Colleges Satellite Network (CCCSAT ) has some sort of series called Grant Britain Skateboarding Photographer that you can watch on satellite TV or view via webcast for free, provided you are a student of California Community Colleges. Education without boundaries, my ass! It aired already, but it airs again on 1/29 at 10:29am, 1/31 at 8:30pm, on 2/2 at 4:30pm, and on 2/3 at 8:32pm. See if you can figure it out. The CCCSAT web site is confusing as all heck. Supposedly this is Episode #124 – Typography. I find it hard to believe that Grant’s had 123 other episodes. Someone figure out how to watch this, then record it and post it on YouTube for the rest of us. Maybe Grant has more info in his blog over at the Skateboard Mag, which is where I poached that picture from, and where you’ll find recurring great shots he pulls from his extensive body of work.

Australian man named Grant Hicks is challenging Tod Swank’s world’s largest skateboard record. Sure, there have been other contenders, and it’s not official yet, but Hick’s board is supposed to be 9 feet longer, and he’s documented the hell out of it with five of his own videos as well as an appearance on an Australian TV news program. If you’re only going to watch one of them, the TV one is your best bet. You’ll do a double-take when you hear how the anchorwoman’s thick Australian accent makes the word “deck” sound like a part of the male anatomy, leading to lots of juvenile fun with sentences like:

“The father of three hopes the giant deck will help raise money for his local (unintelligible) saving club.” and

“Seven month’s of hard work and Grant’s monster deck is around 9 feet longer than the current world record holders.”

Wow! Dirk Diggler is rolling over in his grave. Catch all six videos after the jump.

Yeah, we cover the local beats just on the off chance that someone official in Bonner Springs Kansas might read this. Hey, it’s happened before! Mayor Clausie Smith is running for reelection. One of his past term accomplishments was the construction of a skatepark. I couldn’t turn up a picture of the park anywhere on the web. The parks web site describes it as “Skate Park – 90′ x 60′ pad with speed ramp, quarter pipe, Euro-gap, and grind rail.” Hmm. Speed ramp? OK. Sounds fun, but not according to Escapist Skateboarding:

DESCRIPTION: Pretty much identical to Rosedale Skatepark, same playground equipment “skatepark” company. Although miraculously this one manages to be even worse due to the asphalt surface so you don’t even get the flatground blissfulness of Rosedale.
PROS: Uhhh…it’s free?
CONS: Artists.
PADS: None.
COSTS: They should pay us to ride it

Skaters of Bonner Springs! Arise and join the revolution by voting out Clausie Smith. Suggested chant: “Ditch Bossy Clausie!” Slow news day.

And I’m sure that’s not the last time you’ll see that title. Professional skateboarder Steve Berra has a movie that he wrote (and directed?) called The Good Life. It’s premiering at Sundance, so he’s starting to pop up in the entertainment news, like over at indieWIRE and the LA Times (See photo above. Site requires free registration). The movie is supposed to be about a disaffected young man, and is loosely based on some of his own experiences. It’s not clear whether skateboarding plays a part in the movie, but all the interviews talk about it. Lastly, here’s an in interview from the Active Mail Order site, one of his current sponsors. Is that weird, having a mail order place be your sponsor? I wonder how much money he gets from them.

Denver’s Channel 7 News reports that a skateboarder was attacked by a Coyote.

Two different residents said a boy was attacked by a coyote while riding his skateboard. They said he was able to fend off the coyote with the skateboard.

A certain Wile. E. is being sought as an animal of interest. Apparently, Wile E. has a history of violence against small birds and skateboards as well.