Summer’s Over

I called my congressman and he said, quote “I’d like to help you son, but you’re too young to vote.” The subskate is a completely pointless toy that all kids will fight desperately for if they come to your house to play in a puddle of water and you only have one. I bought one of the first Subskates, something like five years ago, meaning to photograph it and return it, but then somehow I had a kid in the meantime and he discovered it and then it was his. It’s piece of hard foam and you’re supposed to play with it in a pool and pretend it’s a skateboard, because, you know, you’d ruin a real skateboard if you played with it in a pool. Mind you, I know grown men who have played with brand new skateboard decks in a pool, so maybe this is a good idea.

Flash forward a couple years and now for some reason there are two kids living in my house, constantly fighting over the one subskate, because it can be used indoors too. My wife picked one up on summer clearance at Target so the brat to subskate ratio in our house is an even 1:1. This new version has a fancy smooth laminate on the bottom, complete with Tony Hawk graphics.

Did I mention that they are essentially unfunctional? It doesn’t matter, because everybody loves them. They even made a surfboard version.

The old one just had a one color screen print on it, which makes this the 90’s everslick version of the subskate, or the Subskate Pro, “- now with cool skater graphics.”

Swimways makes a thing called the Toypedo, that may sound like a marital aid, but it isn’t. They also made this bitchin’ commercial.