Win a Weirdo
Listen up spuds. This is your chance to win one of two Weirdo skateboards. All you have to do is leave a weird story about skateboarding in the comments. That’s pretty vague, right? So go for it. Tell us a weird, preferably true story about skateboarding. This contest ends the day after Halloween. At that point we’ll put it up to a vote. The story with the most votes wins a Weirdo skateboard of his or her choice. The second one will be “editor’s choice.” Thanks again to site sponsor Weirdo Skateboards. You know I always hate when there’s a web site contest that makes you actually work for your entry like this one. At least you get to pick your own board if you win. Shipped direct form Weirdo, so it will get there in a reasonable amount of time.
Let the games begin!
UPDATE: Comments closed while we figure out how to set the voting up.
A few weeks ago I was skating with some guys in a wooden bowl built in a barn. One guy started freaking out and shaking his head like he had water in it or something. Something had flown into his ear and got stuck. After several minutes of shaking and pounding his head a HUGE moth dropped out of his ear.
So…. I’m leaving my local skate park on a dark and cloudy night, the prospect of a downpour quickening my pushes, when I pass a young man just arriving to the park. Over the roar of my board I scream ‘Head for the hills, there’s a gale a’blowin,’ and I continue into the night and down the street towards my neighborhood.
I like to talk to people and often start conversations with strangers whom I treat as if I’ve known them my whole life. This night would be different.
I cross the street and fly down the wide sidewalk towards the library when I notice super bright headlights creeping behind me. The car makes a 180 in the street and the kid from the skate park is outta the car, pulling off his shirt, and running to stop me. I stop.
“What was that shit you said to me motherfucker?!”
‘I said head for the hills there’s a gale a’blowin’
“There’s that word,” he said, “what the fucks a gale?”
I held back my maniacal laughter, ‘a Gail is a storm.’
“Well nobody talks some gay shit to me, we’re gonna go toe to toe, UFC style mother fucker!” He was livid.
‘Look,’ I said, ‘I’m a grown man and I talk to people. I didn’t say anything mean to you and now I’m going home.’
“No way, fucker. I’m gonna kick your ass or give me your money!”
‘Dude, I don’t have any money.’
“Give me your skateboard or I’m gonna punch you in the face.”
I never blinked during the whole ordeal. The car that dropped him off was behind me and I had no idea what was going on. All I knew was this kid was ready to fight and probably did this kind of thing a lot. He put one hand my skateboard and slowly pulled it his way as I noticed a car approaching us.
I let the car get close, it was probably going 30MPH, and I knew what I was going to do. He had my board in both his hands when I screamed in his face, ‘I’m not gonna let you take this from me!’
I ran in front of the car and hoped he would chase me. I barely made it as the car screeched on the brakes and bolted down the street. I made it home and checked the paper for the next few days to hear about any car accidents involving a shirtless kid on speed who loved UFC, though he didn’t play by the rules.
Head for the hills, there’s a gale a’blowin.
I took a Tony Hawk action figure to New Zealand and took pictures of it at various parks and locals (like Hobbiton). I later gave the pics to Tony at a demo, he gave me his board. I was stoked. That’s not terribly weird you say? I was 32.
It’s not stalking dammit! It’s “Creative Fan Appreciation!”
I was flying to Amarillo once. I put my skateboard in the overhead bin and took my seat. A couple of folks started placing their bags in the same overhead bin, trying to make sense of my skateboard. The flight attendant came over sensing the confusion and saw my board. She looked at me and asked “Is this your roller-board?” It took me a few seconds to realize what the hell she had said and what exactly she was talking about. I replied that it was indeed my roller-board. They then left it alone and did not look at me for the remainder of the flight. Oh yeah.
One time, I was a little kid who loved to ride his skateboard. I loved to ride it on the sidewalks, in the street, off of flyramps, off of loading docks, anywhere I could. It seems that there were a lot of other kids in my town who liked to ride skateboards too. Also in my town were people who didn’t ride skateboards and didn’t want the little kids who loved to ride their skateboards to ride their skateboards. The people who didn’t like skateboards and the kids who rode them passed a law making it illegal to ride skateboards. One day, my friends were talking about the future. We were speculating that, one day, kids would fling themselves down 20 stairs instead of off of a loading dock. And that some day, there would be parks where kids could ride their skateboards in peace, just like in the magazines instead of jumping off of flyramps in the street. Here’s the weird part. It’s all true. 20+ years later, there are over 150 skateparks in my state alone. Kids regularly hurl themselves down 20 stairs and walk away. WEIRD!
Back in 1988 I lived in the shit hole town of Centralia, Wa. At the time I was a 12 year old punk kid who always begged his older brother to let him go on a road trip/skate session. We drove south to the now famous, but then a very crude Burnside park. When we arrived, we were greeted by this long blond haired drunk fucker who was going by the name Redneck. He kindly asked us to pitch in donation money to help fund the concrete we were about to skate on. At the time it was my first time to Portland or any big city. So surely I thought I was getting robbed by some punk ass, drunk ass teenager that had a cool name. So I gave him my joint money thinking that carma will get him for robbing the community. Only to find out years later that the same drunk fucker with the same cool name is still serving the community in the best way a man can. ( Skateboarding, cement, and beer)!
Flying these days is a real pain the ass, everybody knows this. It seems, however, that flying with board in hand is an even greater challenge. As I approchaed the swarthy looking customs official, I held my breath for fear of confiscation. The closer I got to the dude, the faster my mind raced to come up with a believable excuse. “You cannot pass with your skateboard. You’ll have to hand it over to me”.
I went cold, but almost suddenly, my blood got hot. I automatically answered back, “I’m actually sponsored, I ride for this brand, see? Right here. I need this board”. Without knowing anything of the inner workings of skateboard sponsorship, I waited for a response. “You’ll need to go back to check in and see your company, before you can board the plane”. Quickly I had to come up with a line to get me out of “seeing my company”.
I shot back, “They told me there’s no problem. I can’t go back its too late, you gotta let me on, man”. I speedily followed up by asking, “what’r you going to do with it anyway, huh?”. Wrong question. “We’ll probably melt it down and use it for scrap metal and stuff”. I couldn’t believe my ears, I refused to accept such nonsense, “You gonna use it as firewood, too?”
By this time the flight was being delayed and I was the last passenger to board (no pun intended). I compromised with the official and they decided to put it in cargo. So, kids, the moral of the story is ‘dont pretend to be sponsored at the airport, your not famous enough, but it sure does make you feel GOOD!’
That’s two flying stories. One time a flight attendant was giving me grief about my board, insisting that the wheels would make other people’s luggage somehow roll out of the overhead bin. Not my backpack, but the other passenger’s luggage. It made no sense whatsoever. She was going to make me check it. I convinced her if i flipped it around and put the wheels against my backpack the other bags wouldn’t magically roll out of the overhead bin. She grudgingly accepted.
my friend dropped in with no bushings… pretty freaking weird. im completely serious. he was trying to prove that your trucks can’t be too lose to shralp the bowl. if this wins hes getting the board for going balls out.
While these are all pretty weird stories, you guys have gotta check THIS out! There’s this place called Southern California where a large contingent of actual skateboarding skateboarders are republican Christians who attend…get this…a “skate church.”
prove it
http://tinyurl.com/GetWeird
My weirdest skateboarding experience was a contest that was put on in the fairgrounds of boise idaho a couple years back around Halloween time.
Everyone who I respected and had seen in the skate scene at the time arrived to a crazy street course very obviously built by people who didn’t know much about skating. It ended up not mattering as the up and comers at the time still destroyed the park and ended up becoming a pretty interesting contest. I remember taking my run, and promptly throwing up from the madness and adrenaline. The contest ended up with some interesting and questionable judging about 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc…
Afterward, we were told that we had to stop skating the course and attend a different separate large room, in which a very obvious christian influenced message/propaganda was spoken by some guy, and some whiny band played a concert afterwards. At the time of my age and the sure bliss of ignorance, i didn’t think much of the whole thing, but looking back i’,m like, “holy shit. that was weird”!
i like to skate boards that are over 9″ wide with 169’s and wheels that are over 60 mm. i also love tarter sauce but don’t like fish.
Ok. One day after a long skate session, my friend and I stopped at a Jack in the box. While eating our food, a sketchy looking guy (about 40, Blonde hair) rides up on a bike and walks into the fine establishment. He walks up to us and asks if either of us has a phone with texting on it. He then proceeds to dictate cryptic messages to my friend who types them out and sends them to sketchy guy’s friend.
He says, “Tell him, ‘Hey Scarecrow, it’s the TV Man. I scoped out your house. There’s a crew of about 3 cars at the place.” Then he freaked out and changed his mind saying not to type the last part, as if it revealed way too much.
It went on for a while with him dictating encoded messages to my friend to send to Scarecrow. All the while when we were waiting for messages going back and forth, he was telling us all sorts of things like how he served in the marines and about the shack he lived in that can only be accessed by roads large enough for a mountain bike. He also spoke Spanish to some other Hispanic customers in the restaurant, only to turn around and tell us how those guys are taking all his work away from him.
It was probably the sketchiest situation we’ve ever been involved in. After he left we skated home and tried to decipher his messages. We found no possible meaning behind anything, and to this day we are not sure if he is just crazy. Sometimes we see him around town, but he is always on some drug or other.
Are we allowed multiple entries? I’m pretty sure I’ll remember another weird story. We’ve had some interesting nights.
Sure, let’s keep it to two though.
Well put, Masterochicken. That being said, I’ll take the initiative and write up a second, shorter story.
Not looking around, and paying more attention to my ipod then the cross traffic, I proceeded to skate the crosswalk. Out of nowhere I suddenly hear the loudest BRRRRRUUUPP sound, and in one split second i turned and jumped out of the way of a bus hurling my way at a tremendous speed.
My board was taken under the front then back wheels, while the bus driver promptly hit the emergency brakes in the middle of the avenue. I stood in disbelief, deciding whether I should approach the bus and take my board from under it. As I did, 100 onlookers stopped dead (couldve been yours truly) and I exclaimed, “See this fuckin shit?? Look at this! Aint this about a bitch!”
Upon close examination of the board itself, the front trucks were smashed and punched through the top of the board, melted down and the right wheel was flattened almost horizontally. Bearings were also destroyed. Pride and a feeling of bad ass ness soon took over, and I kept the half board with me, all day. Needless to say, it remains in my possession as a testament to ‘holy shit!’
This story demands a picture.
I dont know if I can upload a pic of my board here, if you want one just email me. Seeing is believing.
Sorry, nothing to do with skateboarding, but definitely weird, and pretty halloweeny: http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ktla-corpse-in-car,0,835807.story
“pretty halloweeny” hah! you said weeny!
I work at a skateboard park and half of the staff and the boss don’t know how to ride a skateboard. Isn’t that just plain weird man!
I was out on late night ride in downtown Alexandria, VA many years ago. Passed a McDonald’s and in front of it had been delivered multiple crates of hamburger buns. Dumbly grabbed a couple of crates and skated away. I spelled ‘I love you’ in hamburger buns across a girl’s front lawn. Put the rest in the freezer at home!? Later the next day, my Mom was feeding one bun at a time into the garbage disposal. I said “Mom, just put ’em out with the trash.” She said “No, I have to destroy the evidence.” That story always makes me laugh, and I guess its kinda weird…
Some friends of mine were street skating in an urban parking lot. A cargo van rolls up driven by a woman that vaguely looks like Pat Benatar. In the back is another woman who is a dwarf sitting in a milk crate and a physically and mentally disabled guy in his 20’s who was confined to a wheel chair (the milk crate and the wheel chair were lashed to the inside wall of the van). One thing leads to another, and Miss Benatar puts on a “show” from inside the van while while the dwarf, disabled dude, and a dozen skaters look on. Some more stuff happened after that (details omitted to avoid getting banned from S&A), which was followed by a couple of the skaters earning colorful nicknames and washing their hands at a nearby McDonald’s for about 15 minutes.
Pics or it didn’t happen!
One time when I was a teenager, I was skating with my buddy Joe. It was right when handrails became all the rage. We had a couple handrails at the local community college that were pretty easy to get do boardslides on. We were skating the handrails when a group of hot college girls stopped by to watch for a while. I hit the handrail and did a nice long back boardslide & rolled away. They girls clapped & cheered. It was Joe’s turn next. He rolled towards the rail & ollied onto it. He slid down the rail and right when he landed, his bowels couldn’t hold on any longer. He shit his shorts & poop ran down his leg right in front of the hot chicks. The girls laughed & screamed in disgust! He started to cry & ran behind a building to wipe up his mess with his boxers. I laughed til I cried & I chuckle every time I remember that day!
awesome story!
Back growing up in San Fran, me and the 3 kids I use to skate with had a crazy weird day one summer. We headed out to Pier 7 around 10am thinking we’d skate with the regulars like Karl Watson and friends… and as usual he was there but to our amazement just as we showed up, so did the entire Girl crew. We started skating as they were unloading their cameras and all. Mike Carroll and Eric Koston played a game of skate on some huge barrier ledges that I had never seen anyone even hit and another Girl skater tre-flipped the entire tabletop. I kept almost landing a 180 up, fakie big flip off the tabletop but my shoes were toast and the front of the sole would bend under every time and screw me up. One of the Girl crew noticed this and told me I needed to get some new shoes. I agreed but told him I was unsponsored and unemployed. He asked what size I wore and when I responded, he quickly told me to follow him and led me to the trunk of his car. Turns out he was one of the video guys for the team and he explained that Erik Koston didn’t like the feel of his new signature model shoes and had said he could have them after wearing them once or twice. He offered them to me under one condition: I had to burn the shoes I was wearing and never speak of them again.
As always, the cops showed up in droves around noon. Karl Watson led the charge as we all skated as fast as ever and ducked out behind the federal building (of all places). I never saw the Girl crew so I assume they just stayed behind and accepted tickets and I sadly never got to thank Eric for the shoes. We hit up Carls Jr for lunch and then skated nearby Embarcadero Square where we met this awesome Italian skater kid named Luigi that was in town for art school. One of my friends kept making Mario and Luigi jokes which none of us laughed at. I was kickflipping the stage and watching Luigi’s nice half-cab crooks on the ledges when I decided we needed to show him some other spots. He hadn’t been to hubba’s hideout or mini hubba so we headed to those nearby spots in that order.
Hubba’s was a good time but as soon as we got to mini hubba, we were immediately surrounded by pigs again. Two on foot from one direction, another on bike and a couple cars too. Luigi had no idea what was going on but we grabbed him and started booking across the street when we heard a loud screech and an SFPD car sliding toward us. I jumped and just barely nicked the hood of the car but Luigi got destroyed right behind me. Crazy cali pigs! I stopped for a second wanting to help but decided who better to help get him to a hospital fast but the cops and got back to running/skating. The other cop car didn’t even stop but kept on tailing us. Luckily there was some road work on Embarcadero Ave that week and we were able to hop some barriers and hide in a parking garage not too far away. After several minutes of hiding, I just happened to look up at the right time and saw the first cop car fly by with Luigi in the back seat.
We decided we had enough 5-0 for the day and chilled for the rest of the afternoon and then headed to Ghirardelli Square for some ice creamy goodness later that night, when who showed up? LUIGI!! And he had a girly with him. Turns out Luigi’s dad and Mr Ghirardelli were cousins or something and he didn’t seem to hate us for leaving when he got hit by a cop car though he did have a nasty bump on his head. Better yet, he said the cop didn’t even cite him, but took him home where the cop’s wife and daughter fixed him all up and the daughter was totally hitting on him. So the cop, whose daughter was studying Italian, said he would forget anything ever happened in exchange for some Italian tutoring for his daughter. Coppy poppy had to get back to work, so she asked Italiano if he wanted to go out for ice cream and there they were. I totally didn’t believe him at first but she vouched for him and showed a photo of her dad in uniform which resembled the guy I thought I saw slamming on his brakes though I didn’t get a very good look at him.
But the craziest thing was what I found late that night under the insole of my new Eric Koston’s!
^^^^This would be the best story by far, but you broke your work to the filmer and spoke of your shoes, which makes you completely dishonorable.
“WORD”, I meant “word”, not work.
Crap, I think I had type-o’s for breakfast today…
Crapola! you’re right… is it possible to edit that part out?
thBack in my salad days, I was hanging out at a “kickback” or “BYOB”, over at high school aquaintance’ house, mainly to claim my share of a community-purchased bag of ‘shrooms.
As I washed my meager portion-a 1/4 of a cap and two stems-down with my Winners Cup vodka, I considered whether or not to finish/share the rest of my 5th with a boring assortment of grommits or The Daily Show’s Craig Kilborn,on my tv.
I decided the shroom’s weren’t kicking in fast enough and at it would be a mediocre effect, at best.
I also gathered, struggling to detect a body high and no visuals in sight(pun damn-well intended), that skating the mile and then some home would wear away any high I could muster and leave me mostly sober and completely alone.
I plugged away at the 5th and kid named Greg offered some of his snapple as a mixer. I accepted and shared, and perused the room for the first person to give in.
One thing I was reputable for was being revered as an opportunistic,relentless, son of bitch with any given tools handy to punish those who succumbed to an early pass-out. I hoped the night wasn’t uneventful.
It wasn’t. Pretty soon, a foul mouthed girl with contacts blue as windex and a short bob,a-la-pulp fiction, was taking all comers.Her bet was she could kick any dudes ass who was willing to brawl. Her unofficial boyfriend was in the midst of begging her not to be the nightly embarrassment when she lost her patience and socked him dully, on the chin. Burning through boredom and over 1/2 my 5th, I offered her a drink if she could manage to land one out of 3 tries. She looked at me as if I interrupted important business for banal chat about the weather. She went nuts. Full force swinging, mouth open, yelling some damn thing, white,thin, arms flailing and whipping like some wild jump-rope. I backpedaled through the screen door of an opened sliding-glass door, into a dark back yard to the melody of obnoxious teenage holler. She had only bumped and skimmed my face and I was already sweating. I couldn’t keep up with what was happening so I snatched her left wrist and dug a wide,hay-maker into her flat,soft stomach. She dropped in a curled position and cursed in a deflated sob as a stream of urine ran out of her shorts and down her bare leg. I could see goose bumps on her skin under the moonlight. Her unofficial boyfriend had a few words for me and something about pussy, and a dick, but nothing in the context I was interested in. They left and passed what remained of my 5th around the young and amused. I finished the rest in shots with two other kids and when I came to, I noticed right away, that I was the victim of my own reputation.
Various penis illustrations and unoriginal homosexual allegory adorned my limbs and hands,in black sharpie. My face had been spared,I was informed that I stirred too much.
I got up,and sed my “laters” to the two still awake on the couch, wavered out the door and into the night,or early morning,whichever. I skated past my high school,about a mile to go. My head was groggy and I pushed hard on the sidewalk, hoping to have to push less as my balance was off. I could only hear the clacking of my wheels against the cracks periodically interrupted by stretches of rough asphalt scraping my wheels as I passed quiet residential streets. I pushed and pushed under the still row of humming street lamps and kept my head down at the ground watching the mileage. I approached a granite boulder ravine,that lead like an ally way between houses. As I began to pass by adjacent, like some sort of hallucination, a woman, staggering and frantic, practically leapt out of nowhere. “Help”! “Can you help me”?! “He’s comming”, “QUICK”!”PLEASE”!
She was hunched over and climbing up the raving like some worn out contender on the 17th stairwell, of an 18 story building. She panted and I heard fear in her quick, frantic plea. I had already passed her and I kept pushing. Pushed harder. And that moment echoed in my mind for what must have been 20 minutes as I stood in the entry-way of my parents house.
I still think about that woman, and if indeed she made out okay.
You ditched her?
I didn’t stop. I still can’t say why not. By the time it was clear what I should have done,she was in the distance and I had already made the decision. It was weird.
Ha, you’re the same guy who pulled something far out of your rear about me living off my mommy, when I once noted here that I’d had a restraining order conspired against me by two ‘orrible pad nannies, for standing up for a sub-teen who kept getting thrown out of the skatepark if she tried to verbally stand up to boys who were picking on her about something [something that would keep ‘happening’ to her if she kept getting thrown out] (and who didn’t even want her thrown out; just wanted to pick on her)… even though, in reality, I threatened no one in the process. Let alone with murder… though an out-of-towner had said “wow, you need to get rid of her” about one of the dirtbag nannies… which she lyingly turned into MY having uttered that “we” need to do so, thereby supposedly having “threatened the petitioner’s life”, rather than her badly-done job. And when that didn’t get the desired result, they manufactured something more despicable, again assiduously avoiding criminal court so that no detectives would determine that they were perjuring themselves. And yeah, maybe it’s a little “weird” to go so far as to stand up for someone, Jake, but not having done so is NOT “weird”, it’s shitty… unless the shrooms had finally kicked in and it was merely in your head.
“Uh”: Uhhhh, was your comment below submitted an an entry for this? Or just your personal soliloquy on my story?
And holy shit,talk about “weird”! You holding onto and stewing on some goofy comment I made in jest,for months is scary-weird. And inaccurate. At least in context. Go back in read it again. It should be pretty clear I was parodying myself as some loser who lives off his mom. It wasn’t aimed at you and if I remember it was just to be in contrast of your serious,long post. It was in fact, purposely off-topic and misguided, to lighten up your unbridled rant.
My weird story post is true, and you are welcome to your judgment of my character based off said events when I was 16. However irrelevant to this contest. Glad it garnered a response I suppose,no hard feelings.
Met a grom one Sunday morning. Kinda quiet. I helped him tighten his trucks and we did groundhog runs in the bowl. He said “Mr. You’re pretty nice.” I agreed that I didn’t mind helping, as I’m old anyway. So we stop, and sit under an awning, and he says, ” This is great, but what I really enjoy is drowning animals in my backyard.” His eyes glowed and his smile was like a thousand answered Christmas wishes. No one will ever be able to stop him.
you TIGHTENED some kids trucks?
you monster.
The park I spent my grom years skating in rural vermont came equipped with its own
outhouse. Not a porto-let or porto-potty, a straight hole dug pine board reinforced structure that was equipped with an aluminum roof. The outhouse happened to be built right behind the parks 5 foot mini. At 80 lbs it would have been impossible to get the momentum to air up onto the aluminum roof; but that didn
Best!
Damn,hands down the best and well told! Give this fucker the board.
Thats nuts. I dont know whats crazier, your story or the dude whos friend crapped himself on the rail.
Either way it’s the shittiest stories that sound the best on here! This outhouse story is good.
If the last sentence is true than this guy better win!
sounds a lot like a scene in Jackass…
Total slapstick,love it! throw a board at him anyhow.
once i was skatein in the park with my friend then all of a sudden a man came runnin towards us shoultin “RUN!!! THERES A ZOMBIE ATTACK!!!” me and my friend started runnin but then my leg got courght in some sea weed. “HELP!” i was shoultin on top of my voice but nobody came to help. Few minutes later i saw the zombies comin, all of them were on skateboards. i thought that that would be the end of me i was horrified.
“ha i bet you humans are rubbish at skatein” said one of the biggest and ugliest zombies there aftere he came and stood beside me.
“u bet!” i said pullin an angry face at him, i was the best at skateboardn in town so no way i was rubbish. He grabbed hold of me with him big hairy claws and asked if i want to challenge him, if i won the zombies would go away nd leave everyone alone but if he won the zombies will take over the world. i obviously didnt want that to happen so i challenged him.
few hours later we met in the same place. he stood there frownin at me, dribble hangin frm his big green mouth, his eys wide open. he picked up his skateboard and started ridin around in circles then went up on the skate ramp and did some amazin tricks, to be honest i was actually very shocked. when he finished showing of he came to me and said “your turn now you little wimp” then he laughed nd pushed me foward.
i skated onto the ramp then did a few tricks he did then stopped to catch a brethe.
“is that all?!?!” he laughted as if the anwser was yes.
“wait and see” i said and smiled then wormed up and tried to do a 360 hardflip, after 3 attempts i landed it! his jaw dropped and his eyes went bloodshot.
“you never…” he said not finishin the sentence. i was so proud of my self like never before.
“guess i won” i gave him a little smile then went of. i saved the world from the zombie invasion! everybod talked about me, i was so unbeliveably happy. after i came into power i made everythin nicer. horses were pooping rainbows, childen got free lolipops, all the zombies turned pastel colours and lived happily with us. life was so much better.
THE END! 😀
Wow, is that a true story?
any contest updates?
I second.
Damn, missed it by a day. I had a good one too.