Homeless Korean man invented that crappy skateboard spin off

Korea.net has an article titled “Financial crisis knocked Koreans down, lifted them.” One of the featured success stories is Kang Sin-ki, who is now the CEO of Slovie, Inc, and the guy who actually invented those wacky toy skateboards:

Homeless, he slept near Seoul Station and picked up day labor when he could get it, sending any extra money back to his family. In his free time, Kang thought about a way to escape his lot and came up with a great idea — a wholly new skateboard. Mastering the design was less difficult than securing the means to produce, promote and sell the product. He pitched his idea everywhere looking for venture capital. Finally, through a whopping 1.5 billion won government-backed KIBO Technology Fund loan, Kang was back in business.

1.5 billion won loan? Talk about a government bail-out. But how much is a won worth and how much money could he be making on such a piece of crap? The article says he’s sold 10 billion won worth of Essboards in the US and Europe, which as of this writing, translates to $10.8 million.

it’s got a name, and it’s called the Essboard. Apparently they are trying to turn it into a proper noun so they can then make a verb out of it, much like the our misguided friends who are into streetboarding, although I’d say the essboarders have a bigger case.

The web site has lots of humorous reading, most of which I’m sure is due to translation errors.

The highest eye-level is the highest level of the development system.

It sure is! Now if you are wary of being made to enjoy an Essboard in some strange Korean forced fun camp, consider this:

Essboard does not force a person to enjoy it. It gives infinite pleasure as well as the Essboard life style that is enjoyable utilizing some very simple skills, and since the usage is intuitive and convenient, it is not stressful. It is enjoyable anytime and anywhere in your life. Now, why don’t you enjoy the Essboard in your life?

Excitingly enjoyable exercise. Essboarding is not such a difficult exercise, but the one cannot help smiling while riding to produce happy feelings and extra doses of endorphins.

The last time I read the phrases “infinite pleasure” and “excitingly enjoyable” associated with Koreans, it was on a very different type of extreme web site. But enough enough infinite pleasure. (Wait, is that even possible?) Now on to the more productive merits of the Essboard

Rising above the limit of other general boarding products available for downhill only, Essboard has the merit availing both functions of downhill (driving from higher place to lower place) and uphill (driving from lower place to higher place) so that it impacts greatly on the muscles of the lower part of the body.

Yes. I’ve actually seen videos of kids riding these things uphill, although it should be noted that you can tic-tac uphill as well, but nobody ever wants to.

The major marketing slogan seems to be Feel! Essboard Style! Apparently that style involves being shirtless a good amount of the time, and in some cases, a little emaciated as well.

If Kang Sin-ki invented the Essboard, and thus essboarding, is he aware of the potential patent infringement with The Wave and streetsurfing? I guess “waving” was already taken.

Maybe he is licensing it, because according to information published in 2005 on the Street Surfing web site (since removed):

The Wave was invented by a martial arts master from overseas. His goal was to meld the motions and aesthetics of martial arts with an entirely new type of board sport. The result is Street Surfing.

So maybe Kang Sin-ki is a martial arts master. Who knows? Maybe he’s also related to another famous Kang.

If you’re worried about whether or not these Wave boards are legit, the podcast assures you that “We’ve got guys doing tricks every day!” It also has tips on how to do tricks that look cool but aren’t hard to do, so you won’t look like a total tool. On top of that, the Wave is a rugged piece of equipment. Some might say, Extreme™!

The Wave is built with high quality components. The platforms are made of a virtually indestructible ABS plastic. The Wave has a steel torsion bar that never wears down. Wheels have been selected based on a tenuous balance of durability and traction. Wheel size is 77mm 85A. All bearings are ABEC 5.

What do you mean it’s not Extreme™!??? Do you need more proof? Nothing says Extreme™! like a mohawk and a little motion blur.

And now for your viewing pleasure. Please don’t eat while watching. Let’s start with the non-sanctioned bail section.

And now on to the official promotional material.

Extreme Voiceover! In the last line he sounds like Ben Stiller.