Monkeys and a typewriter

If you give a monkey a typewriter and an infinite amount of time, it will eventually produce the complete works of Shakespeare. It looks like someone is looking to hire a blog monkey to write about skateboarding:

I am seeking someone to write 35 unique 200-250 word Blog Articles related to skateboarding (art of skateboarding, current famous boarders, the skateboard itself and/or its parts). Your bid should be for writing ALL 30 Articles, not a per Article price. Writers must have complete command of the English language, including sentence structure, spelling, grammar, and must be able to write from a North American perspective. Having used a skateboard and/or at least familiar with the skateboard “lingo” is a must. As the articles are to be used to achieve high rankings in search engines, we require unique, high quality, well-written, keyword-rich, spider-friendly Articles. Keyword density should hover around the 5% mark.

I can’t wait to see the web site this these articles get used for. I’m sure those high search engine rankings are going to be used for the love of skateboarding and not to try and sell us some crap. Are you applying for this job? The Minneapolis Star Tribune promises to help you “Learn the lingo” with their Thrasher’s Glossary. Picture credits (a banana board, get it?) and more after the jump. So far I’ve written 233 words on this entry, maybe I’ll apply.

Project: Skateboard Articles URGENT!

I am seeking someone to write 35 unique 200-250 word Blog Articles related to skateboarding (art of skateboarding, current famous boarders, the skateboard itself and/or its parts). Your bid should be for writing ALL 30 Articles, not a per Article price. Writers must have complete command of the English language, including sentence structure, spelling, grammar, and must be able to write from a North American perspective. Having used a skateboard and/or at least familiar with the skateboard “lingo” is a must.

As the Articles are to be used to achieve high rankings in search engines, we require unique, high quality, well-written, keyword-rich, spider-friendly Articles. Keyword density should hover around the 5% mark.

You may draw inspiration from many sources; but the end product delivered must be well written and unique for long term consideration.

Plagiarism is unacceptable. Articles will be verified for originality.

Once we pay for the Articles we will own all publishing rights.

We will require a minimum of 7 articles per week so we can publish alternating themes on a daily basis. Payment frequency is negotiable once we receive the first 7 articles.

Other requirements:

1. Anyone may bid, as long as the English requirement (as stated above) is fulfilled. I feel very strong about this. Believe me; I was an English Minor in college.

2. You must have good feedback.

3. I will pay cash via Paypal. If this is not acceptable to you, any fees or surcharges via other payment methods will be deducted from your pay. I pay fast. If you wish to verify, I can release my eBay id (as an example of “fast payer”) to the winning author.

4. I do not use escrow. I got burned by a foreign escrow service 2 years ago. Please do not ask.

5. Your bid should be a total for all 35 articles.

6. Future work possible based on our initial partnership.

7. Submitting samples of your recent work is strongly advisable.

Questions are welcome – good luck, I’d like to hire someone ASAP.

Regards,
John R.

The image above from the cover of the most excellent 1979 album by the Mekons, The Quality of Mercy is not Strnen which you should go buy and start listening to right now even if you only pretend to like punk rock.