Editor’s Note: Gads. Not very good. No wonder nobody wanted to print it. K.ed – 3/8/14
Did anyone really think it was a good idea to hold the Olympics in Salt Lake City? Bribes and judging scandals aside, there’s still the whole no-public-consumption-of-alcohol business and the overall stuffiness of the ruling class of Mormons. Make no mistake about it; there is a ruling class that engages in discrimination, no matter what the public stance is. But seriously, what does this have to do with skateboarding? Not a damn thing.
In December I was contacted by a friend who was intent on procuring a contract to build a vert ramp for demos to be provided for the enjoyment of the expected throngs of people that promoters and civic leaders were hoping would visit a town that effectively doesn’t want any outsiders. My friend at Layback ramps had built half-pipes for demos as well as a good-sized park in Illinois. He had been living in SLC for about 6 months and was having a hard time finding employment due to his lack of status in “The Family”, which was how employers hinted to the Mormon church in order to skirt the legal issues of discrimination.
A few things struck me as sketchy about the situation. December seemed a bit late to be accepting bids for a project that had to be completed for the beginning of the Winter Olympics in February. If Gordon couldn’t find work outside of the church, how was he going to get the contract? It turns out that the venue was being financed by outside investors, and wasn’t directly a part of the Olympics. In January, Grover and I found ourselves making a trip to SLC to help build a 32ft wide, 13ft tall ramp with 11.5 ft transitions. And now I’ve used half of my allotted word count on the introduction.
We built most of the framing in sections inside a warehouse and then moved them via forklift several blocks to the ramp site. Promoters had a grand vision of slack-jawed extreme-sports kooks enjoying freestyle motorcross and snowmobile jumping, skateboarding, BMX, and a three-story tall launch ramp for snowboarders to hit a massive quarterpipe. Interesting note: If you hire a guy in Sweden to design the snowboard ramp, his blueprints will use the metric system. Those wacky Europeans! Yards, meters… it’s not a big deal unless you’re working in large scales and you fail to measure the available space. As a result, we experienced the joy of moving a giant halfpipe around a parking lot several times. Like the schmuck of a husband moving living room furniture at his wife’s whim, we moved 8ft wide 13-foot tall couches made of plywood and 2×4’s. The final resting place was the roughest and most potholed part of the parking lot. We had lots of fun chipping out ice and shoveling snow off the ramp. In order to relieve stress we engaged in high-spirited angry arguments, listened to the new wave radio station (in SLC???) and went to local indoor skateparks, only one of which was open during accessible hours.
The irony was not lost on us that we were building a skateboard ramp outside, in SLC, in the MIDDLE OF WINTER! Assuming we were able to get it built right, who was going to want to skate it? Not to worry, promoters were throwing around names like DC and Etnies, as well as Tony Hawk, who just opened a skateshop franchise in the outdoor mall made for Olympic visitors. Plane tickets forced us to leave before the whole thing was actually finished. There were as few as 4 screws per ply when time ran out. That left Gordon to apply the finishing touches while we dealt with increased airport security and a moronic traveler who insisted the Indy symbol on my backpack was somehow related to Nazi Germany. Skateboarding is evil.
All this and still no skateboarding. The promoters were being stingy with the press passes and even more stingy with the list of confirmed pros. Curiosity got the best of me and I ventured out on my own dime for a weekend to get some pics. I waited in line for a half an hour to find out my name wasn’t on any lists for the next couple of days, despite the press coordinator’s assurances. Not to worry, since I was able to sneak in anyway. It turns out that the whole event was pretty much a non-event. “Talent” negotiations had failed. Conspiracy flowed the b-list pros who joined with the locals and gave a-list performances to capacity crowds of at least 30 people. At least! All the while the MC entertained the skaters by renaming frontside ollies as backside airs. And why not, considering wheelies are now called manuals. If that weren’t annoying enough, there was the cartoon-mohawked schwag dispenser/jester who was promoting the next big fad… a hackey-sack for your hands instead of your feet. I would have liked to see him battle the extreme pogo stick-ers. I kid you not. At one point the small crowd cheered on 7 year old Drew Jones as he got towed into a four-stair ollie/drop, and later tried dropping in on the vert.
The whole thing stunk like some bad 80’s skateboarding promotion, complete with disappearing funds, poor organization, and no clues. Those that did show up skated well and had fun including but not limited to: Park Beutler, Dan Jones, Cowboy Corey Bateson, Ryan Smedley, Curt Condrat, Gene Hare, Rex Cook, Uda, Gordon Gilchrest, Brian Howard, and Paul Zitzer. Keep skateboarding out of the Olympics!
The next page is pure (mostly bad) photos.
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