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Skate and Annoy: Features

SLC Bunk – Building the Olympic Village Vert Ramp

Warning! This 2002 post is from our static HTML era when updates were infrequent, and a pain in the ass.  It has been ported over for the sake of… what? I’m not sure. Nostalgia? Justifications are as slim as the images are small here. The content may be embarrassing, naive, poorly checked for grammar and spelling, or just plain bad, but here it is.  Our audience was mostly regional, mostly friends and friends of friends. In late 2006 we started integrating Wordpress into the site, but the so-called “features” mostly remained offline until 2016! Some of them never made it, but  this one did. Enjoy!

Day One

Sleep in late. Gordo has to procure insurance for the job site. I’m not sure why he hasn’t already done this. He returns at noon with the news that we can’t start building until the insurance kicks in, which is tomorrow. He’s meeting the guy in charge at 1:00 at the site. We tag along and spend about an hour poking around a snow covered parking lot. Why are we building a half pipe for the Winter Olympics? Why are we building it outdoors? Who the hell are they going to get to skate vert in the middle of February in Salt Lake City? Rumor has it that Tony Mohawk and Bucky Elastic are signed on. We’re having premonitions of frostbite and shoddy workmanship leading to lawsuits and trash talking pros until we learn that we’ll actually be building the ramp in 8ft sections inside a semi-heated warehouse that opens onto the parking lot. Our biggest problem should be finding a suitable spot between the motocross track, BMX jump and the three story tall snowboard launch ramp quarter pipe extravaganza. Nothing left to do so we went home. Further distracted, we ventured into the exercise room where an unhappy woman was using some sort of equipment that seemed to make her upset. She was wearing an Indy shirt though, I guess you can get those down at the mall. Gordo, Grover and I weighed in at 214, 238, and 216 pounds. So now we’re old and fat. Grover is getting antsy so he inquires about indoor skate parks. It turns out there is one, but it’s BMX night or something silly, so we have to wait for the 5:00 session. You know how some skate parks are always pulling that kind of crap, ugh. In the mean time, we check out the factory of a local well known skate pad manufacturer that may or may not be going out of business. It turns out that the manufacturing process for skate pads is slightly less interesting than the helmet making process, and entirely less interesting than skateboarding itself. The view from the factory and the dog inside it are pretty cool though.

Real Ride Skate Park (web site long since dead) is next on the agenda. We arrive two hours into the session after getting lost in the parking lot for an hour. Gordo says he can get us in for free except that the park has changed locations and the guy behind the counter is new to him. Grover tries to get the guy to flow us a discount but since we’re three guys that he doesn’t know, we pay $5 and we’re supposed to feel privileged because it’s “Family Night” and therefore cheaper than normal. The employee seems a little sour and the park is pretty empty. Why would three guys from out of town trying to scam a free session make anyone sour? The wheel scum on the concrete floor of the park is pretty bad on the flat. The only way to avoid it is to stick to the mini cause you can sweep it off. The few skaters that were there knew we were super cool because we were wearing full pads. The clincher came when I pulled out the digital camera and started hanging out with rollerbladers. Soon we had gathered a tribe of little kids that we took to the foam pit. The dork session was in full effect and the park attendant was glowering at us all. It turns out you’re supposed to pay five extra bucks to use the pit. Whatever. Also, he probably didn’t appreciate Grover whipping little kids bodily into the pit, like he was picking up tennis balls and throwing them to a dog. I’m not sure if you are supposed to pay five bucks for that privilege too. Eventually the older crowd started to shred in our general direction, and by older I mean still way younger than us. Locals: thumbs up. Staff: thumbs down. From the skate park we hit the grocery store. I wore a plastic vegetable wrap hat rolled up on my head gangsta-style. There was one individual who seemed to appreciate my freaky-style, but it turns out he was mentally challenged. The rest of the night was spent discussing the merits of various grocery store generic soda brands – Mountain Best, Dr. Best, Dr Skipper, etc.

Next Day: Start working for reals.

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