As seen on the U.S. Dept of Justice web site. Tony Hawk is one name I did not expect to see. To cut off any unwarranted accusations, if he was there to get married, he wouldn’t be there for the illegal activities. Those wedding day pictures are probably ruined though. – Thanks to Bobcat for the tip.

There was a time when a skateboard selling for $6,000 at auction would raise eyebrows. I’m not sure what to make of this insanity. The Tony Hawk’s 900 Collection bids closed at Julien’s Auction and some skateboards and related paraphernalia sold for some truly astounding numbers. So astounding that it makes you wonder if Julien’s is a real thing or not, but it is. The deck Tony Hawk landed his first 900 on sold for $1,152,000. That cannot be right. Is it right? How about 57k for a pair of sweaty kneepads? Some of this might make sense conceding the proceeds are going towards Tony’s charity, The Skatepark Project. My first thought was that somebody or some corporation bought these items at knowingly inflated prices with an eye towards deductions, but you can only deduct the amount you overpaid for the items, and the IRS bases this off the items value listed the auction catalog. In the case of the the 900 board, the estimated value was between $500,00-$700,000. That deduction could be worth less than half of what they paid. It’s also worth noting that the auction listings state that “a portion of the proceeds” will go to the…

No, it’s not Tony Hawk in a Depend commercial, if only… Can you imagine? “When you need Extreme®! bladder control…” Nope. It’s just a couple commercials for Qnol health supplements. The commercials are short and to the point, with very little skateboarding. Both shot on location in his warehouse. The marketing materials are amusing in that they quote Tony’s lines from the commercials as if they were casual statements of his and not a script written for him.

This is less than brand new, but I just had fingerboard fatigue, or maybe it was Tony Hawk fatigue, or maybe it was both. Mattel is selling fingerboards, and although they don’t appear to be branded as a Tony Hawk product he appears in a commercial and theHawk name is sprinkled on the products in a sort of innocuous manner. It almost like they are trying to downplay it, which makes no sense unless they are only hoping for an initial boost and don’t want to have to keep paying him down the road. A big point of sale on these is the inclusion of shoes for your finger, which itself is not new if you remember Mattel’s Real Men series from the 80’s. Hang on… why cant I find a link for that on S&A? I actually have one them… I can’t believe I haven’t posted that yet…

So it turns out California is somehow famous for skateboarding. Yeah, I know, I don’t understand either, but the Oceanside Chamber of Commerce wants to rectify that an exhibit in thier newly revamped welcome center. You can see the two page spread on page 5 of the Spring 2022 issue of Best of Oceanside. – Thanks to Steve Spurlock for the tip.

It’s Indigenous Peoples day. Here’s more Joe Buffalo. This video by the New York Times is a little more stylized than perhaps it needed to be, but overall it’s very heavy. What else could you expect from the aftereffects of Kill the Indian; Save the Child and the boarder school assimilation programs?

Seriously, it brings me joy that in the year 2021 I can still make the occasional Gratuitous Tony Hawk post. These rubber rings from Groove Life feature two “new” designs, which means the other two must have been around for a while. I’m pretty sure Ive seen these before today, the images must be languishing in one of many “Save for future posts” folders on my hard drive. The construction of these makes sense if you want to wear a ring and your day to day circumstances make that a potentially dangerous proposition. The thing that doesn’t make a lot of sense is making them so explicitly Tony Hawk themed. I feel like if I wore one it would signify some sort of personal commitment to Tony, like those teenagers who give and wear rings as a promise to abstain from sex. At the rate Tony is going through wives, maybe mass production made more sense… Sorry Tony, that was a cheap shot. I don’t have a distinguished career as a professional skateboarder to fall back on. All I got is the low hanging fruit….

Tony Hawk performed on the The Masked Singer as the Elephant. Despite sticking to his 80’s roots, singing Friday I’m In Love by the Cure, he lost the round and was unmasked. The takeaway from this is the fact that it’s 2020 and we’re still making additions to Gratuitous Tony Hawk appearances. Looks like he enjoyed himself.

You can now pay to have various levels of “celebrities” record personalized video messages for you. Amongst other personalities like Pee Wee Herman (!!), there are currently 52 skateboarders to chose from, some famous, some not-so-famous. The pay scale is sliding and serves as a barometer for how popular (or how bored) these personalities are. Bucky Lasek for only $15??? Even the Lizard King is up to $25. Guys like Jason Jesse are going for $25, while a puffy Bam Margera can be rented for $65. Was little surprised to see Richie Jackson on there at all, but I guess it’s a quick $50 for him that can come in handy at the local thrift store. Skate and Annoy really needs personalized video from Tony Hawk saying how much this site sucks. Now accepting donations…

I’m surprised there isn’t a trick called an Obvious Plant. Sounds like something Neil Blender or Lance Mountain would have made up. Wait? Is there an obvious plant? Well, there’s Obvious Plant, the fake company run by Jeff Wysaski. He makes fake products in packaging and plants them in retail locations. It’s very good stuff, and there are 2 gratuitous Tony Hawk references in the collection.