Kinder Joy Surprise toy found inside little chocolate eggs, for sale by a cannibal in Hong Kong. I’m clearly phoning it in today. Bonus Kinder Surprise after the jump.

– Thanks to David ODK for the tip. On it’s own, I might not post this guy, unless I already had him in my possession. But something about his amorphous presence is a little disturbing, like some alien sent down to take notes and gradually assimilate and absorb the skateboarding populace into his undulating mass, until he grew to the size of the Stay-Puff marshmallow man. Then there’s the trictionary on the back of the box, often completely wrong or not actually showing the trick it describes. His arm is a lever that opens his backpack for storing Bassett’s Jelly Babies. Very sinister. There’s no date on this, but judging by the board and the description of the item as “vintage” I’m guessing it’s late 90’s or early 00’s. Get yours here.

A Sonic the Hedgehog Cracker Jack toy promotion for Sonic Hedgehog 3, circa 1994.

I had more than a handful of these “Stylin’ Skateboards” from Topps. The first time I saw them was in ’91 or ’92. I think it was B-Rad who showed it to me first, and it blew my mind. I asked where he found it, expecting it to be something a friend brought back from a trip to Japan or some kitschy novelty shop in New York. Instead, he nodded his head over his shoulder towards the Wall Mart at his back in a semi rural (at the time) Steamboat Springs, Colorado. This sales sheets shows them packaged in little boxes, but the ones I saw came in sealed plastic bags with heat-pressed seams. Each bag came with some crappy candy sugar wads pressed into the vague shape of a skateboard wheel, though more likely just generic pellet molds. Also in the package, a really crappy plastic fingerboard made out of soft plastic. I believe you had to snap the wheels in place yourself. The second generation fingerboards (more on that later) were fun for a few minutes, but the real reason to keep buying these things was for the paper stickers that came with them, each a slightly mutated…

Ahhhh, the extent that Nestle will go to trying to sell you horse hooves and cow muscles. It’s called “Bon Parj Jumble” and this commercial is for the Russian market, or at least was done by a Russian agency. Director Alberto Accettulli must like skateboards, as he also directed a commercial for Nike SB. Who knew Michael Cera (above, left) was on the stunt team? – Thanks to David Leclerc for the tip.

It’s highly unlikely that this Swell brand gum is either, soft, fruity, or “swell,” given that it dates back to early 80’s. Unbelievably, the starting bid on a box of antique gum is $125. You can get an unopened box of skateboarding trading cards from roughly the same era for about quarter of that. I can’t tell exactly what is going on here, this kid is possibly puking fruit into big glass of soda. Big box after the jump.

An in store promo item for the Bart Simpsons Butterfinger campaign. Sure, it’s old, but Bart Simpson never goes out of style. It’s too bad that show went off the air… Wait? It’s still on? It’s too bad that show is still on the air. I actually haven’t watched it lately. It went through a phase when they clearly should have called it quits, and then it got good again, but I couldn’t get into it again. I’m more of a Bob’s Burgers guy these days. Get some.

Botan Rice Candy comes with a free sticker, this one courtesy of MC’s offspring. Even larger after the jump. The sticker, not the offspring.

Fathers day gift from my offspring. I also got Rock Em Sock Em Robots, which look just like they used to. However, they have replaced the head mechanism with cheaper innards that make a barely audible noise when triggered, depriving todays youth and one middle aged dad of one of the main joys of playing the game. Im always calling my kids nerds, but as a term of affection. Come on nerds, lts time for dinner. Or Bye bye nerds, Im going to work. The other day my wife said she was pushing the kids through the grocery store when my oldest (4) called out to a passing cartload of kids Out of my way nerds! So, nerds on a skateboard. It isnt the first time. Theres a nerd on a skateboard on every bag of Nerds, I thought I posted it before, but the closest thing I could find was Buddy Bears Gummi Bears.

Chinese candy with skateboard packaging. You can’t buy them directly, you have to contact a guy and arrange to import them. Oh cruel importers. How you tease me. If anyone sees these in the wild, pick one up for me would ya? I have a dietary deficiency in lead and melamine. These ducks look like Elmer Fudd.