Portland’s sports arena is now called the Dew Garden. Snorkels are an extra $5 at the door.
Unaware of what year it was, Dr. Brad and Grover wandered into the Dew Tour desperate for help. But the English language had deteriorated into a hybrid of hillbilly, valleygirl, inner-city slang and various grunts. Dr. Brad was able to understand them, but when he spoke in an ordinary voice he sounded pompous and faggy to them.
Today I step into the shoes of a great man, a man by the name of Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.
There was a time when reading wasn’t just for fags. And neither was writing. People wrote books and movies. Movies with stories, that made you care about whose ass it was and why it was farting. And I believe that time can come again!
Don’t worry scrote. There are plenty of ‘tards out there living really kick ass lives.
The years passed, mankind became stupider at a frightening rate. Some had high hopes the genetic engineering would correct this trend in evolution, but sadly the greatest minds and resources where focused on conquering hair loss and prolonging erections.
Comin’ up next on The Violence Channel: An all-new Ow, My Balls!
17 comments
kilwag
MAC – I get a bunch of legitimate comments flagged as spam every day, I can’t believe yours actually made it through, considering all those key words.
Mac
A treatment that both conquered hair loss and prolonged erections would be wildly sucessful, particularly if it were an ingredient in some future version of Mountain Dew. Dew Plus Plus
kilwag
This is one of the funniest posts on here.
conahan
See, the contest was sponsored by a soft drink company that makes a lemon-lime flavored sweetened beverage called Mountain Dew which is green in color.
They also had a VW beetle converted into an aquarium filled with a green liquid which they parked around town to promote the contest and their soft drink. I think that inspired Grover to tint those photos as if the soda and its artificial coloring were infusing the entire event. Hence my joke about the snorkles.
Too bad they didn’t make the competitors wear Wendy
bailgun
no, there isn’t. it’s just you. that green glow you see has nothing to do with the whole damn joke or anything…
Prickly Pete
Is it me or is there a mountain dew green glow to each one of those pictures?
Rich
SnA at its finest. Idiocracy/Dew mash-up on point.
miguel
we drove by there today on the way from cal skates to pier. I heard there was a sheckler sighting. Dont know dont care. I would like to see some good old fashioned vert ramp skating though(I would like to skate one to, They still exist right?). I just dont have the patience to do the dew. Pier, glenhaven and battleground were a blast though.
Donnie G
I got yer Spam Hammer right here…
Eric Cherry
It’s what plants crave!
Chad Balcom
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECYXeD_s1u8
mikeD
but electrolytes are good for you.
nice reference 😉
miguel
I watched a documentary on stupidity the other day. It was mildly amusing. I would have to be drunk and stupid to enjoy the dew tour. you guys should have brought some ether,a salt shaker half full of cocaine, sheets of high powered blotter acid, assorted uppers, downers, screamers and laughers. Do They have booze there in the rosegarden?
bobcat
Well, don’t want to sound like a dick or nothin’, but, ah… it says on your chart that you’re fucked up. Ah, you talk like a fag, and your shit’s all retarded.
kilwag
WINNER: Conahan!
Prickly Pete
Conahan with the nyuck nyucks. Love it. Come to where I live, you aint seed nutin’ yet.
nweyesk8
nice post, the Idiocracy tie is is excellent