Note: Brad and I got in a lot of trouble with Gordo for that last part. Gordo, it’s all in good fun! We swear!<\/em><\/p>\n I\u2019m unemployed. It sucks. I have no money. I\u2019ve been unemployed since shortly before the September 11 attacks. As New Year\u2019s Eve approaches, this long shot is starting to look better and better until I am actually depending on it. To my knowledge, Gordo has only built one skateboarding facility, and I\u2019ve seen it. It\u2019s a pretty good little park in Pekin Il.*<\/sup> As an interesting side note, as recently as the last decade the Pekin High School team name was the \u201cPekin Chinks\u201d, as in Peking China. The Pekin park is fun from as far as I can tell. I tried to skate it the day after a wedding reception. We got kicked out after 15 minutes for not having wrist guards of all things. If it weren\u2019t for a car wreck of a hangover coupled with temperatures in the high 90’s and oppressive humidity we would probably would have put up more of a fight. So, yeah! Let\u2019s go build a ramp in SLC. I talk it over with Grover and we do some risk assessment. End result: Send us two plane tickets and we\u2019re there. What follows is our odyssey.<\/p>\n Start the journey…<\/p>\n * Actually, Gordo has successfully built several large ramps for trade shows and demos accross the country. He also served in an advisory capacity for some major concrete parks as well. I didn’t know that at the time. He’s got a degree in Industrial Design. And when you get right down to it, Brad is often times full of it.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Day Zero<\/strong><\/p>\n Plane trip from Portland to Oregon. Arrive at the airport a couple of hours early. Wait in line for an hour at the Southwest Airlines counter. Southwest sucks. More on that later. Wait for a half an hour to get through security. Grover usually wears a belt on that is basically a bandelero covered in fake empty bullets. Fortunately, it’s packed in his bag. In these days of heightened security, only ticketed passengers are allowed at the gates. Since we have e-tickets we need only present a print out of the email with our itinerary. Ours were wadded up in my back pocket, but apparently official enough to get us through without a hitch. I hurry through the metal detector to try and get a look at my skateboard as it goes through the x-ray bomb sniffing machine. It\u2019s underwhelming. Since we\u2019re flying Southwest we have to wait in line for 10 minutes at the gate also. This is because for some reason, Southwest Airlines can\u2019t figure out how to assign you a seat when you check in at the ticket counter. Instead they do a sort of stadium seating in waves where you get a different color boarding pass depending on what order you check in. Then you sort of have to bum rush the plane when they call out your color. Usually there are a couple of retirees and uptight people who go out of turn. These people are dicks. They generally cause an already irritated passenger to become more irritated. Is that person trying to cut? Their group hasn\u2019t been called. Are they retarded or just arrogant? Traveller’s tip:<\/strong> When dealing with line cutters, it’s advisable to always bump into them, spilling your drink or food on them on your way to the bathroom.<\/p>\n It\u2019s time to board. I sling my backpack on my far shoulder opposite the flight attendant at the door to the gangway. They are already subjecting passengers to random security checks and I don\u2019t want to give them any ideas about my skateboard. I think about clueing in Grover, but I don\u2019t since he\u2019s already irritated me by making me hold his place in line and hold his stuff while he first goes to the McDonald\u2019s at security and later to the bathroom during boarding. I breeze through but I notice he\u2019s not behind me. I start to walk back to the door and I hear nonsense about checking a skateboard with baggage. Is it a security risk? No. Is it a problem with size requirements? No. Is the flight full? No. The flight attendant is worried about damage to other people\u2019s baggage. Is it because of the grip tape? No. It\u2019s because if someone puts their luggage on top of the wheels, it might theoretically roll off! I drop my backpack and poke my head out to see what\u2019s going on. I am rewarded by another flight attendant who squeals on me. In a very loud, disapproving tone she says \u201cHe had a skateboard too!\u201d I try to explain that baggage couldn\u2019t possibly roll off our skateboards, and even if it could, we\u2019d have to orient the skateboard in a manner that was physically impossible for the overhead bin to accommodate, and what about everyone else\u2019s carry on luggage with wheels? Can we put them under the seat? No. Because my Indy backpack is poorly designed, I strap my board with the wheels to the pack to avoid grip tape burn. I show this to the attendant and he reluctantly agrees that it his point is moot. For some reason he\u2019s even more reluctant to accept my reasoning that Grover need only reverse his instead of removing his wheels. When we finally get past him, Grover can\u2019t fit his bag in the overhead, so he takes his board off his backpack and slides it in. Whereupon a completely different flight attendant tells him he should check his skateboard with the luggage, causing Grover to lament in a very loud voice \u201cWhy does everyone want to take away my skateboard? Everyone hates skateboards!\u201d This made the passengers very uncomfortable, especially the flight attendant. We were still settling in when three coeds were making their way past our row and Grover proclaimed in an equally loud voice that he hoped no girls sat next to us. Needless to say, they didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n Next Day: Start work?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Day One<\/strong><\/p>\n Sleep in late. Gordo has to procure insurance for the job site. I\u2019m not sure why he hasn\u2019t already done this. He returns at noon with the news that we can\u2019t start building until the insurance kicks in, which is tomorrow. He\u2019s meeting the guy in charge at 1:00 at the site. We tag along and spend about an hour poking around a snow covered parking lot. Why are we building a half pipe for the Winter Olympics? Why are we building it outdoors? Who the hell are they going to get to skate vert in the middle of February in Salt Lake City? Rumor has it that Tony Mohawk and Bucky Elastic are signed on. We\u2019re having premonitions of frostbite and shoddy workmanship leading to lawsuits and trash talking pros until we learn that we\u2019ll actually be building the ramp in 8ft sections inside a semi-heated warehouse that opens onto the parking lot. Our biggest problem should be finding a suitable spot between the motocross track, BMX jump and the three story tall snowboard launch ramp quarter pipe extravaganza. Nothing left to do so we went home. Further distracted, we ventured into the exercise room where an unhappy woman was using some sort of equipment that seemed to make her upset. She was wearing an Indy shirt though, I guess you can get those down at the mall. Gordo, Grover and I weighed in at 214, 238, and 216 pounds. So now we\u2019re old and<\/em> fat. Grover is getting antsy so he inquires about indoor skate parks. It turns out there is one, but it\u2019s BMX night or something silly, so we have to wait for the 5:00 session. You know how some skate parks are always pulling that kind of crap, ugh. In the mean time, we check out the factory of a local well known skate pad manufacturer that may or may not be going out of business. It turns out that the manufacturing process for skate pads is slightly less interesting than the helmet making process, and entirely less interesting than skateboarding itself. The view from the factory and the dog inside it are pretty cool though.<\/p>\n Real Ride Skate Park<\/strong> (web site long since dead) is next on the agenda. We arrive two hours into the session after getting lost in the parking lot for an hour. Gordo says he can get us in for free except that the park has changed locations and the guy behind the counter is new to him. Grover tries to get the guy to flow us a discount but since we\u2019re three guys that he doesn\u2019t know, we pay $5 and we\u2019re supposed to feel privileged because it\u2019s \u201cFamily Night\u201d and therefore cheaper than normal. The employee seems a little sour and the park is pretty empty. Why would three guys from out of town trying to scam a free session make anyone sour? The wheel scum on the concrete floor of the park is pretty bad on the flat. The only way to avoid it is to stick to the mini cause you can sweep it off. The few skaters that were there knew we were super cool because we were wearing full pads. The clincher came when I pulled out the digital camera and started hanging out with rollerbladers. Soon we had gathered a tribe of little kids that we took to the foam pit. The dork session was in full effect and the park attendant was glowering at us all. It turns out you\u2019re supposed to pay five extra bucks to use the pit. Whatever. Also, he probably didn\u2019t appreciate Grover whipping little kids bodily into the pit, like he was picking up tennis balls and throwing them to a dog. I\u2019m not sure if you are supposed to pay five bucks for that privilege too. Eventually the older crowd started to shred in our general direction, and by older I mean still way younger than us. Locals:<\/strong> thumbs up. Staff:<\/strong> thumbs down. From the skate park we hit the grocery store. I wore a plastic vegetable wrap hat rolled up on my head gangsta-style. There was one individual who seemed to appreciate my freaky-style, but it turns out he was mentally challenged. The rest of the night was spent discussing the merits of various grocery store generic soda brands \u2013 Mountain Best, Dr. Best, Dr Skipper, etc.<\/p>\n Next Day: Start working for reals.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Day Two<\/strong><\/p>\n It\u2019s our first day of work, so we got on the job site at the crack of noon. To be fair, we had to go to the bank and get coffee. We didn\u2019t quite have all the tools, but that didn\u2019t stop us from busting out all the platforms and the flat bottom. Mistakes were made, to be sure. It took us a couple of sections to get all the bugs out. We finally got a system worked out, which was good because there were no written plans and were deciding as we worked. One of the real<\/em> construction workers in the building gave us a really helpful hint. Sticking your screw tips in a bit of bee\u2019s wax makes it darn easy to ease in or take out a drywall screw. A cheap abundant source of wax is the ring seal used to seat toilets. Getting back to the ramp, it\u2019s big. 32 feet wide, 11 foot transitions and a foot and a half of vert. Golly, that\u2019s big. With a big job like that ahead of us, we worked till about 4:00 and then quit because we didn\u2019t have the materials and tools to cut out the transition. We cut out 150 or so 2×4\u2019s for the ribs and then went to a hobby shop to look at radio controlled gliders. We looked around at the meager offerings before asking the guy if he could recommend a better selection. \u201cOh, we\u2019ve got the biggest selection in town,\u201d he claimed. To which I replied \u201cBut you\u2019ve only got two gliders, and they\u2019re both the same model!\u201d<\/p>\n The splotches on the photos are reflections of dust in the air caused by the flash. The warehouse was one of the dustiest places around.<\/p>\n Next Day: No slow starts.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Day Three<\/strong><\/p>\n Work day two. Most SLC\u2019ers we come in contact with demonstrate a well-defined lack of a sense of humor. For instance, the guy at Home Depot looked like he had seen the anti-christ after Grover loudly exclaimed \u201cQuit trying to kiss me!\u201d At the job site we cut transitions and stand around arguing about what the best method is. Start building the first 8 ft section of transitions, take a break to argue about techniques and processes. Half way through the day we take a break to get some grub at a new-ish outdoor mall thing I suspect might have been recently built for the Olympics, cause it was an empty ghost town. Did you know Tony Hawk has a chain of skate shops? If I wasn\u2019t so desensitized I would have marveled at that. According to the employees it\u2019s primarily a Quicksilver operation with Tony\u2019s name tacked on to it. You can get posters, pants, shoes, shirts, sweat shirts, videogames, skateboards and school supplies with his name on it. It was enough to make you go back to work. By the end of the day we have all the trannies cut, all the lower transitions and half of the upper transitions built. Since were lacking in ladders, we built awesome matching Olympic tables, which grover followed up with an Olympic Stool. We clocked out at 9:00 for the longest work day yet.<\/p>\n Next Day Forklifts. Whee!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Day Four<\/strong><\/p>\n Work day three. Tempers flare as the work continues. This time we forgot to charge the drill. Work continues on the remaining transitions. Other contractors start to get on our nerves when they re-nig on our allotted indoor time. It seems we have to make room for some kooks to make large, crappy looking fake icicles. Apparently, this is something they could only do in the 16 square feet of real estate that was in the middle of our lurking 12 ft tall transitions. Fortunately, we were able rig up a sketchy device that enabled a three man team with a fork lift to move the transitions, one 8ft wide, 12ft tall section at a time. The forklift trio worked well on concrete. The road to the parking lot was an unpaved mixture of snow, mud and bumps. No matter how slow you drive a sketch forklift contraption, bumps are good for breaking the temporary transition fasteners. On the plus side, the powers that be couldn\u2019t decide where they wanted the final resting place of the ramp. They had a Swedish guy draw up the exhibit floor plans but they failed recognize that he was using the metric system. Suddenly there wasn\u2019t room for the three story tall snowboard launch ramp extravaganza. That was OK since we had the use of the forklift for that day only. It was either move them outside to one of the two diametrically opposed potential sites with the aid of a forklift, or move them all out by hand the next day. Forklifts are fun.<\/em> Good thing this one had headlights. We took a break from yelling at each other towards the end of the day. Soon, a young man walked up to us and did not notice the fully ribbed transitions of a monster half pipe sitting out in the middle of a parking. We then did not<\/em> say anything about building a vert ramp for the Olympic Village. We also did not<\/em> mention that it would sit fully covered in Skatelite in an open, unguarded parking lot. Before he turned around and left, we made certain not to tell<\/em> him to make every effort to engage in skateboarding in the very same parking lot in the weeks before the Olympics.<\/p>\n The local news was full of stories about increased security for the Olympics. Gordo insisted that the myriad of helicopters overhead was some sort of crime dragnet, but we feel they were more likely to be traffic copters. Due to the proximity of a local goth\/industrial\/punk rock\/frat boy night club, we crossed our fingers and performed a short ritual to ward off the drunks.<\/p>\n Next Day: Broken down autos and Rock and Roll High School.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Day Five<\/strong><\/p>\n Work day four. Today was going to be a big day. We had planned on moving the ramp to it\u2019s final resting place, leveling it out and connecting the trannies. Gordo dropped us off and headed out to buy another screw gun, but not before leaving us with an ill omen. Unbeknownst to him, the guy he was dealing with had broken away from the legit company and was promoting this gig on his own, as well as bouncing checks on his own. Grover and I busied ourselves by building the vert boxes that sat on the transitions. Gordo came back with some good news but no screw gun. The ramp might not have to move after all. He said he\u2019d be back in a half hour to help us. We reminded him about the screw gun, and started making the temporary transition attachments more permanent. An hour and a half later Gordo comes back with bad news and no screw gun. The ramp has to be moved to the one spot in the parking lot that has broken up asphalt covered with 3 inches of black ice. During the day some of the ice and snow melts and turns into 4 inch deep puddles of standing water. Fortunately, the bolt that runs all the belts on the end of crankshaft on Gordo\u2019s car broke off. Gordo left to go deal with his car. We asked him to get a screw gun since ours had no charge. ( It\u2019s better to charge them at night instead of in the morning while you eat breakfast.) He said he\u2019d be back in a little while. When he finally returned, he had a screw gun and was ready to move the transitions. Grover and I weren\u2019t in the mood because it was dark and cold and we\u2019d have no chance to clear out the ice and water.<\/p>\n When we got home we thought it would be fun to argue about how poorly everything was going. Accusations flew and suddenly it seemed like it might be a good idea if Grover and I looked into plane tickets for a flight home instead of taking a chance on having Gordo flake out on driving us to Portland. A departure date of the next morning was tossed out half-jokingly. Calmer heads prevailed when Gordo\u2019s wife Christina cooked up a meal big enough to choke a horse. With a full belly and garlic breath we were able to go to sleep on better terms. We prepared for the next day of had work by staying up till 3:00am watching the Ramones in Rock and Roll High School<\/em>. Joey, you’re a freak, but we miss you. One of the best things to look for in Rock and Roll High School<\/em> is all the wacky extras that were Ramones fans at the time. Some are punkers or new wavers that seem stoked to see the Ramones but bummed because of the overall corny atmosphere. The late seventies\/early eighties fashions are amusing as well.<\/p>\n Next Day: Pizza.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Day Six<\/strong><\/p>\n Work day five. Gordo dropped us off and went off to do whatever it was he needed to do. We asked him to pick up a line level, string, spikes, and some twisted nails so we wouldn\u2019t have to screw in the first layer. We hauled a bunch of wood and the vert boxes from the warehouse to the ramp site. A few curious locals came by and some guys from the nearby restaurant flowed us a couple of coffees. We attached the vert boxes and did some more reinforcing. Oh yeah, we had to move two dumpsters to make room for the ramp. After we did it by hand (and backbone) a big garbage truck pulled up with a front loader. He had a good laugh about our predicament and asked us if it wouldn\u2019t have been easier if we had just built the thing in the right spot in the first place. What a comedian. Gordo came back without whatever it was we asked him for, but he did bring a shovel and a broom. Grover broke the shovel on the ice and I swept the water to wherever I could get it to go without all of it seeping back. After a couple of hours of that crap we decided to kick back a little. Gordo came back with the line level and string and started trying to fix his car. He managed to convince a random guys inside the warehouse to weld a bolt onto the crankshaft whatzzit. We were finally able pry him away long enough to help us move the monstrous 8 by 12 by 12 foot transition sections across the parking lot. I curse the jackass that made us move the ramp there.<\/em> Gordo had to go buy a socket to finish fixing his car. He said he\u2019d be back in fifteen minutes. 45 minutes later he returned. We had already cleaned up so we waited as he finished putting his car back together. Then we went to go check out a ramp that was supposed to be inside a place called Marine Supply which turned out to be a water ski\/snowboard\/wakeboard shop. Friday night sessions are go, but when we showed up at 5:45 on a Saturday they were closed. When we got home we harassed Gordo into buying us a pizza since he hadn\u2019t done much in the last two days but drive around in his car, not buying the things we needed to finish the job. He said he had an errand to run and would return in 15 minutes. An hour and 15 minutes later he came back and we ordered pizza. Tomorrow night is “family night” again at Real Ride, if Marine Supply is closed agin, we’ll go back to Real Ride.<\/p>\n
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