Gender Neutral Br

gender-neutral-br

I was hanging out at Target a couple weeks ago, because I am a red blooded American consumer. I always migrate to the toys eventually, which is right next to the crappy sports equipment selection. I noticed this Tony Hawk branded “80’s retro Skateboard” and after examining it brought it to the scanner to find out how much they were schilling it for. It turns out a “Gender Neutral Br” costs $59.99.

The graphic is a riff on the old bird skull and iron cross graphic. All in all the board is an OK deal for some kid or dad who wants to explore “old school.” A new set of bearings – alleged abec 5 rating not withstanding, might make this a halfway decent cheap setup. The shape is OK, but a little awkward near the taper after front trucks. I confess to having shaped a board similar to this in the last decade. The quality seems somewhat what you’d expect at this price point, but a little better. Granted, I didn’t actually ride this thing, because of the skate stopper installed on one wheel that requires a pair of scissors to remove. I’m going by the picture here, because I don’t recall it in the store, but the geometry of these trucks seems a little suspect. Like the kingpin is more or less vertical.

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You can sort of see the awkward nose here. The trucks are a little too far forward. I apologize for the out of focus cellphone shot.

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Here is the aforementioned skate stopper on a 60mm Kryptonics clone wheel.

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Here’s the specs clearly listed. The 169mm wide retro trucks have Tony Hawk on the baseplate. The deck is 32.75″ by 9.75″. It did indeed have a large concave compared to most popsicles. The sticker to the far left says “Bravo Sports.” Besides making shade giving tents for dogs, they also produce licensed cheap boards for Blind, Darkstar, Kryptonics and the X Games. It’s confusing, Kryptonics, Blind and Darkstar seem to have a touch of schizophrenia. They present an identity as “real” company while whoring out their names for department store grade crap. Although Blind may be headed completely towards Nash territory with their Supersaver series.

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Wheelwells…

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Max Rider weight 220 pounds, but I wouldn’t want to try any big acid drops or boneless ones. Not because I can’t do them anymore… I swear! “Max Rider” sounds like the name of a character in an extreme cartoon. The safety sticker suggests using fly soled shoes, which is new to me. I guess I need to ditch my pumps.

tonyhawkretro-7

Bring it to the price scanner. Gender Neutral Br!

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20 Comments

  1. My first skateboard was a Nash Executioner. I would have killed for this thing. Also, since it’s gender neutral (unisex), shouldn’t also be symmetrical?

  2. david odk on November 21, 2013 - Reply

    These crap Hawk, Darkstar and Blind completes are all over in the small toy stores near the seaside in the town where I live. They are right next to the beach toys, confusing indeed …

  3. veganshawn on November 21, 2013 - Reply

    Radical…meanwhile the local shops can’t stay in business. Thanks Tony!

  4. I remember a 60 Minuets piece on this guy where he said he woud not do this sort of stuff. Time changes all.

    • he changes his mind i guess… like he changes wives. bada boom!

    • Sixty Minuets?! That’s a fuck-ton of formal dances, even for a guy as busy as Tony!

  5. Good for Tony, bad for skateboarding….booooh!!

  6. talentlessquitter on November 21, 2013 - Reply

    OK, in all it’s crappyness, how the h*ll can the ‘trucks be too far forward’ on what is supposed to be an oldschool shape? I’m afraid I have to disagree here, Mr. Kilwag. And don’t go all ‘Oh, but I was there’ on me! 😉

    • Too far forward to look natural where the board contour starts to change… It’s sort of hard to explain, and it is subjective to be sure. I knew this was going cause an issue with someone, let’s just say in person, it’s a slightly awkward shape. Also “old school” is subjective as well, does it mean 80’s, 70’s… blah blah blah.

      • talentlessquitter on November 22, 2013 - Reply

        I think I see what you mean: the shape really dives inwards at the front wheels.

  7. That’s a big nose for anything but the late ’80s.

  8. I love when they shrink wrap the board before they put the trucks on

  9. These boards are located a couple isles over from the Tony Hawk signature BMX bikes.

  10. Fuckhead on November 22, 2013 - Reply

    You guys should see if tony hawk will do a 900 on this….

  11. Dew tour sold some walmart boards that i swear we’re almost like the same as a real thing. Gotta get dat money

  12. Christiandeath@yahoo.com on November 22, 2013 - Reply

    go to http://www.theberrics.com watch today’s top pros destroy these boards in minutes flat in a piece called cheap skateboards. Too bad birdhouse won’t make a bigger shape, they only make it for raybourne

  13. Dude dude on February 6, 2015 - Reply

    I bought one. The bearings are trash. Upgraded to Bones. The trucks are trash, but usable, they actually turn aight. No problems with the wheels. The deck is actually really super high quality compared to other toy store boards. The tail and concave are fuckin proper. The wood itself is fairly tough. I’ve taken it off all the same steps, drops and gaps that I usually skate and had no problems with chips or cracks. For $60 bucks it’s a steal. Just swap the bearings, sand the lame graphics and repaint. You’ll have an enjoyable beater.

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